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I want to talk about it here in part to reconnect with that version of myself and to give her a massive hug and a high-five and let her know that it’s all going to work out ok - but as this is primarily a careers newsletter that would perhaps be a touch off topic. So what I really want to reflect on is a) perspective; how when we’re in the middle of things - whether its a health issue, a job or career change, a job that is draining our energy and confidence, a gnarly relationship or family drama, it can be too easy to focus on all we have still ahead of us, or all the things we haven’t done, milestones we haven’t reached and b) comparison; how who and what we compare ourselves to and when can have dramatic effects on how we feel about ourselves and our progress. I have spent a huge amount of time and energy benchmarking myself against the version of myself who trotted into Barts that day. She was fit and healthy and felt largely unstoppable and my totally natural assumption was that I would know when I had recovered when I felt like that again, so the faster I could get back to all my old routines, rituals, relationships, the better. But that assumption didn’t allow for the experience to change me, or for me to adapt to those changes and become the version of me that I am now, writing this. In my fixation on all the things I still couldn’t do, or wasn’t doing, there was no space for the amazing things I had achieved and the new behaviours and practices I had adopted. My other points of comparison were other people who I knew or knew of with cancer - a terrible point of comparison which is never going to result in anyone feeling good, or people who were just going about their daily business and not trying to recover from something which is at best life altering and so OF COURSE it felt like they were running rings around me. We are conditioned to seek out examples of the high highs and the low lows, success against all odds or catastrophe. These extremes can be exhilarating and addictive, but for most of us they will be either unattainable or unsustainable, so the comparisons are unhelpful. What we tend to gloss over is the good stuff in the middle:- 💖Perspective, progress, practice. 💖Healthy and helpful comparisons. 💖Celebrations of the small stuff. 💖What we’ve learned as much as what we’ve achieved.
So whatever you are in the midst of, if you notice you are judging yourself and your progress harshly - see if you can take a big step back and seek a different perspective which will allow you to celebrate all the tiny steps along the way.
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